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Talking is Dangerous Which is Why You Should Do It
“What are you STUPID?!” I watched a grown man scream at his daughter. “She’s $%#@(* stupid, You know better! What are you doing???” I don’t remember much of the scene except to tell you that we were at a lake, visiting friends and the scene happened on the dock. I recall the mother pretending like (…)
Saved
You can’t save people who don’t want to be saved. You can pull them out of a bathtub, but you can’t *make* them want to live. To love someone is to let them sit in their own consequences. To risk losing them if they want to be lost.
Light and Fluffy
I had a serious piece queued up for today about how you can’t save people who don’t want to be saved, but I’m in the mood for something lighter. Things in my world are heavy. Hope takes effort. I’m told this is a symptom of trauma, not depression. Depression displays anhedonia, which is the absence of pleasure (…)
Why Doing Creative Work Will Save Your Life
Creativity is not in conflict with what is essential to survive. It is vital to survival. Yes, Kyle, I know it’s not bread. It is soul sustenance. In my life, I’ve watched many people I love commit soul suicide in the name of preservation. I’m not convinced it’s worth it. Suffering is inevitable in life. To suffer gratuitously (…)
The Courage it Takes to Be Happy
Lately, I’ve been mulling over the courage it takes to be happy. Not the Instagram performance “happy.” Truly, sincerely, happy. There is significant research on happiness (Dr. Santo’s lab, The Happiness Research Institute, Dr. Ed’s Stuff, Shawn Anchor who is meh, Google Scholar pieces here, it’s ENDLESS). We know empirically that joy > happiness (one (…)
Meaningful Text Series: The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner
If there is one psychologist whose work has influenced my life more than anyone, it’s Dr. Harriet Lerner. And Dr. Ramani. And Dr. Eger. And Dr. Judith Herman. Ok, there are many. But if you don’t know who Dr. Lerner is, this podcast is a good place to start. Dr. Lerner’s book The Dance of Anger (terrible title, wonderful book) quite literally blew (…)
Livin the Dream (But Whose Dream Is It?)
Dreaming is a topic we reserve for Kindergarten and elementary school. I move we upgrade this topic to an adult one because we’re making a royal mess of it lately. We’ve confused dreams with escapism and naivety. And we’ve normalized pedestaling the dreams of those who came before us over our own, resulting in outcomes (…)
The False Dichotemy of Work and Fun
Netflix has an autoplay feature that is both helpful and deeply annoying if you just want the TV on in the background and aren’t looking for a trailer of whatever you left your remote pointing at. I had just turned on Netflix when it recommended a series about Work to which I thought hmmm. I (…)
What I Would Like For Mother’s Day
About eight years ago I was at a conference that was mostly a waste of time until the last day when I found myself at a round table with the Patron Saint of Relationship Wisdom, Dr. Esther Perel. I couldn’t tell you what someone like Esther was doing at this godforsaken conference, but I’m thrilled she (…)
The Invention of The “Hysterical” Woman
I’m reading a fantastic book you need to add to your list called, Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft. It’s about abuse. I know, light reading for your morning, but stay with me. I’d heard it recommended before but didn’t think it was relevant to my life. I was wrong. Something I learned (…)